This is a list of the items that have been donated to the auction. Please help make this list longer.

• John Wiesen offers 5 hour(s) of Beginning Guitar Lessons for a minimum bid of $10 per hour.
• Margaret Batschelet, at Henry Halff's request, offers 1 service(s) of Service on subject of your choice (Renowned lecturer and master professor, Margaret Batchelet has promised any member that she will grace our pulpit with a single appearance. One of our members already has designs on this item. You’ll have to beat his bid if you want Margaret’s incisive and inspirational remarks on a topic of your choice.) for a minimum bid of $50.00 per service.
• Henry Halff offers 1 service(s) of Service on the topic of your choice (Henry Halff is once again trying to worm his way into our pulpit. The only way to prevent this is to purchase this item and request that he stay home on the chosen Sunday.) for a minimum bid of $50 per service.
• Joan Bradshaw offers 2 cakes(s) of 12” Cheesecake (World-renowned baker, Joan Bradshaw offers two of her magnificient cheesecakes with your choice of strawberry or blueberry fruit topping. These amazing cheesecakes have been known to bring tears to the eyes of the nation’s top food critics. Don’t let the opportunity to experience the divine taste of these cakes, and perhaps offer a taste to your friends.) for a minimum bid of $30 per cakes. (3–4 days notice required.)
• Sally Wiesen offers 1 pan(s) of Baklava! (You will go nuts for this Greek pastry made with honey, pecans, and walnuts! It as been a Wiesen family tradition for 20 years. See why our recipe is undefeated!
  
  WARNING: This item is under review by the FDA for possible inclusion on the controlled substance list. Get it while it’s still legal.) for a minimum bid of $30 per pan. (One pan provides 40–50 pieces, and no fair asking how many calories it contains, because we’re not telling! (Actually, we don’t know.) But the taste is pure, unadulterated bliss.)
• Nancy White offers 3 bottle(s) of Basil Infused Olive Oil (Nancy’s secret recipe for this magnificent herbal oil has been passed down for 27 generations in her family and dates back to ancient Greek civilization. The oil itself is hand-pressed from olives hand-picked grown on the sunny slopes of Mount Olympus. The basil is from a small herbiary north of Florence that produces only 500 highly prized grams of the herb a year. This treat is a real bargain at the minimum bid of $8.00/bottle.) for a minimum bid of $8 per bottle.
• Henry Halff offers 6 seat(s) of Beer Tasting (This item is offered in honor of Benjamin Franklin’s 300th birthday. It was Franklin who may (or may not) have said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
  
  Taste a wide variety of good, hard-to-find beers with appropriate munchies under the guidance of a world class beer expert. After this experience, you will never go back to wine again (and will be the richer for it).) for a minimum bid of $9 per seat.
• The Mattern Family offers 2 batch(s) of Butterscotch Brownies (These amazing brownies, offered with or without nuts, have been the cause of civil unrest in communities such as Alamo Heights where brownie fever runs high. Dont’ miss this chance to enjoy them yourselves and maybe even share them with your friends.) for a minimum bid of $8 per batch.
• Clem and Joyce Chow offers 10 seat(s) of Dim Sum sampling party with the Chows at their favorite restauant (You will join a party after church on April 30 to go with the Chows to their favorite restaurant where you get to sample at least twelve types of dim sum dishes. These are tasty small dishes favored by folks in Hong Kong for Sunday lunches.) for a minimum bid of $$15.00 per seat. (We need at least four to make this auction item and there is a limit of ten.)
• Peter Van Dusen offers 1 2.5 gallons(s) of Peter's Wildly Palatable Peanut Soup (2.5 gallons of my UU-famous peanut soup, divided into 1/2 gallon freezer containers for convenient storage. Haul one out any cold night when you don't feel like fixing dinner. Microwaves well. It's even good cold on hot summer days! (Comes with copy of recipe.)) for a minimum bid of $30 per 2.5 gallons.
• Margaret Batschelet, at Nancy White's request, offers 10 seat(s) of Texas wine tasting (Taste a selection of eight wines from Texas wineries, along with "heavy" hors d'oevres and Texas music. Learn to speak in an informed way about Texas wine and music. “Now, that there Sister Creek oh-two cab, that’s a larrupin’ good wine, big as Dallit and fine as cream gravy,” or, “Willie, yew know, he can sing a coon out of a tree.”) for a minimum bid of $10 per seat.
• Mary Grace Ketner offers 1 custom decorating job(s) of custom bath decor (Does your bathroom lack pizzazz? Colors look faded and out of date? Give it that vibrant new look (or it's perfect antique look) with my custom-made window and shower curtains, toilet seat cover, and towel borders created just for you with your fabric or fabric we select together (and you pay for). Painting and linen advice is free (as needed) with purchase of this unique item. Satisfaction guaranteed.) for a minimum bid of $$50 per custom decorating job.
• Mary Grace Ketner, at Patty Gullick's request, offers up to 5 pieces of furniture(s) of Furniture Painting (I will finish painting any piece of furniture buyer has started painting but not finished. Donor has unexplored artistic possibilities which someone should tap before her talents are discovered by major Elbonian gallaries and reviewed by discriminating art critics. ) for a minimum bid of $$10 per piece per pieces of furniture.
• Patty Gullick, at Phyllis Katcher's request, offers 2 session(s) of Gardening (Dig, weed, prune, plant, feed) for a minimum bid of $50 per session.
• Worship Committee offers 1 quilt(s) of Handmade Quilt (This amazing quilt was put together by the hard-working quiltmakers of CUUC to honor the holiday season. Rumor has it that the MOMA has expressed an interest in this artifcact, and bidding is expected to be brisk.) for a minimum bid of $150 per quilt. (The work of Patty Gullick, Jean Halff, Joan Bradshaw, and Glenna Jones-Kacthik)
• Peter Van Dusen, at John Bradshaw's request, offers 1 housesitting tour of duty(s) of Housesitting for John Bradshaw (Planning a trip? Fearful that your plants will dry up or that a terrorist cell will move into your house? Puchase this service, and Peter will make sure that your house and plants are cared for as well as you would yourself. Rest easy on your vacation.) for a minimum bid of $30 per housesitting tour of duty. (Donation contingent on Peter’s being in town during your absence.)
• Vicki Mattern offers 1 item(s) of Poodle skirt (Any chics out there going to sock hops anymore? Well, you can't go without an authentic felt poodle skirt! I will make it in your favorite jitterbugging color!) for a minimum bid of $15 per item.
• Daron Sachs offers 1+ square foot(s) of Pressure-washing (Pressure washing is a terrific way to reduce stress (mainly mine)! Anything that will not crumble at a forceful stream of water and air can be cleaned, with or without detergent. Bidding on this service will require providing an estimate of the square footage of the area you would like to have cleaned.) for a minimum bid of $none per square foot. (Sorry, since I have not actually seen one, the cleaning of souls is not a possibility at this time . . . I can, however, assist in clearing your conscience if you have a out-of-doors cleaning task that you've promised to complete but have put off for a while . . . Water not included . . . Some restrictions may apply . . . This service is void where prohibited by law, (I do posess working knowledge of the Clean Water Act, the 1977 amended Federal Water Pollution Control Act of 1972, and Best Management Practices for the disposal of waste water).)
• Michael Gullick offers 1 (s) of Laser Quest Day w/Michael (If you're a kid, join me at Laser Quest. If you're not, pretend you're one for a little bit. Don't know what Laser Quest is....well, try a new adventure with me and find out for yourself.) for a minimum bid of $$5 per . (Expires 8/06.)
• Glenna Jones-Kachtik offers 4 session(s) of Massage Therapy (Glenna’s massages are well known in the new-age community for their power to bring the recipient to a higher plane of consciousness, indeed, several higher planes of consciousness. One typical customer, Horsely Finchworth of Greater Ossipee, New Hampshire, says, for example, “After Glenna’s amazing massage, I found myself at complete oneness with the Great Spirit of the Universe, and fabulously rich, to boot.”) for a minimum bid of $35 per session.
• Peter Van Dusen, at Henry Halff's request, offers 2 consultation(s) of "Meaning of Life" Socratic consultation (Two-hour, In-depth conversation about a topic(s) of your choice. A chance to plumb and discover depths of your own thought you didn't even know were there! No subject off limits--you name it, we'll talk about it. Guaranteed to give you a fresh perspective on things that matter to you. You choose the setting: beer pub, park, private study, etc.) for a minimum bid of $50 per consultation. (Intended for use by a single individual, but could be done with a small group, as well.)
• stephanie sepaugh offers 1 gift certificate(s) of one massage (I am a registered massage therapist since 1998, and work at home in the Woodlawn area (near downtown). My business is Massage for Health. The work I do is a combination of Swedish massage, trigger point therapy (deep tissue), and energy work (similar to Reiki). Sessions are one hour in length. I'm available Mon - Sat. 10 a.m. - 7 p.m. ) for a minimum bid of $35 per gift certificate.
• Rick and Alicia Grime offers 1 course(s) of One-on-One Pottery Instruction (Two two-hour sessions on using a potter’s wheel, clay, and bisque firing.) for a minimum bid of $35 per course. (This is an adult project.)
• Phil Schulman, M.Div. offers 1 curriculum(s) of Spirtuality Counseling Sessions (In five weekly sessions, with your Spirituality Counselor Phil, you will identify goals and begin to strategize a plan for improved peace, vitality and quality of life. Explore your beliefs, discover ones that limit you. Choose ones that support you. Goal/ method; developing greater acceptance and appreciation of self, more harmony and less antagonistic relationship to life and/or the Divine. ) for a minimum bid of $$250 per curriculum.
• Henry Halff offers 50 50-meter free-style lap(s) of Virtual Swim (Swimming is the perfect exercise. It works all of the muscles in your body and entails very little risk of injury. Now you can enjoy a great swim workout without even getting wet. Let Henry Halff, a competitive Masters swimmer, swim laps for you.) $1 per 50-meter free-style lap. (For an extra 50¢/lap, get the thrill of competition. Henry will swim the event(s) of your choice in a local swim meet. Or, you can upgrade to butterfly for the same 50¢ premium.)
• Marilyn DeKing, at Henry Halff's request, offers 2 lessons(s) of Drawing Lessons (Learn to sketch or draw from an inspired artist and accomplished educator,) for a minimum bid of $40 per lessons.
• June Kachtik offers 8 place(s) of McNay Tour and Picnic (Picnic on the beautiful grounds of the McNay Museum this summer, followed by a tour of the current exhibit led by a McNay docent. This event is perfect for both the art connoisseur and the complete novice. Don’t miss this opportunity to remark at your next cocktail party, or Texas wine tasting, “Have you seen the latest Lautrec exhibit at the McNay? I was rather disappointed. It was nothing like the fabulous Holiday Quilt on display at the MOMA.” Rumor has it that these, and other witty sayings will be available at the event in the form of a handy pack of index cards that will easily fit in pocket or purse, ready for any occasion.) for a minimum bid of $15 per place.
• Phyllis Katcher offers 2 painting(s) of Mystery Painting (These top secret items must be kept under wraps until the night of the Auction Gala. Our insurance agent (Lloyd’s) has told us that the item is so “hot” that they could not provide security if it’s identity and whereabouts were known. An armored vehicle will be provided to transport the item to your house or other secure location of your choice.) for a minimum bid of $? per painting.
• Marilyn DeKing offers 1 painting(s) of Painting (Original paionting by Dr. Richard Scherpereel, retired head of the Department of Art at Texas A&M, Kingsville. According to legend, Scherpereel’s work was in such demand that he was able to retire at age 25 to pursue his passion for growing exotic ginger plants. The small number of works produced by Scherpereel make this one especially sought after.) for a minimum bid of $100 per painting. (Highly textured. Approx 26” wide X 30” high. Non-Objective. Gorgeous!)
• Rick and Alicia Grime offers 1 pair(s) of Pair of Coffee mugs (Choice of a set of two coffee mugs, one set in copper, the other in light brown.) for a minimum bid of $20 per pair.
• Joan Bradshaw, at Henry Halff's request, offers 1 quilt(s) of T-Shirt Quilt (The perfect gift for a runner, biker, swimmer, blood donor, venture capitalist, or anyone else who has accumulated more promotional T-Shirts than can possibly be worn. World renowned quilter, Joan Bradshaw will transform all of those T-shirts into a magnificent quilt, one that will remind you of the original events, keep you warm at night, and stop your spouse from threatening to take the T-shirts to Goodwill.) for a minimum bid of $600 per quilt.
• Rick and Alicia Grime offers 1 set(s) of Teacup and Teapot Set (Hand made cup, saucer with a stacking teapot and lid.) for a minimum bid of $17 per set.
• Micaela Gullick offers 1 trip(s) of trip to painted pottery (Let's spend an afternoon at painted pottery. You and I each get to pick out a piece of pottery and paint it and spend some time getting to know each other, if we don't know each other already. ) for a minimum bid of $$20 per trip. (Saturday afternoons generally work best for me. I can meet you there or ask my mom to pick you up. The pottery piece can cost up to $20. Expires when school gets out.)
• Maggie Gullick offers 1 trip(s) of going to the zoo (I'll pick you up and take you to visit my favorite places at the SA zoo and then take you out to lunch. Tuesdays and Thursdays are best for my me and my mom but other days will work too. Expires when school gets out of this year.) for a minimum bid of $$10 per trip.
• Nancy White offers 1 day(s) of Kayaking (World famous white-water expert, water safety specialist, and authority on nature, will guide you through the Texas wilderness along one of our beautiful rivers in a kayak. This is your chance to see native plants and animals such as prickly pear and armadillo that are rarely seen in modern urban settings.) for a minimum bid of $20 per day.
• Huyen Nguyen offers 1 week(s) of Mayan Palace resort stay for 2-4 people in Playa Del Carmen (Located in the Mexican Riviera, this beach-front resort features 2 restaurants (one a 5 star), miles of white sandy beaches & water activities galore (snorkeling, scuba diving, parasailing, etc.). Imagine spending 7 days soaking up the sun & surf away from the crowds, getting tropical drinks delivered to your own beach lounger and dipping in the azure water whenever you're too warm...
  
  At nite, dance your butt off at the clubs in downtown Playa. One recommended club called the Cave is exclusive & cool--located inside a real cave. ) for a minimum bid of $375 per week. (Rent a vehicle (or join a tour) & explore neighboring cities: Cancun, Cozumel, Tulum, etc. Hey, you can't beat a week's vacation at this price!
  
  Call me & I’ll make reservation fro you online.)

The composition of this page was outsourced to Elbonian sharecroppers. We apologize for any deficiencies in style.